OZJ's girl ♥♥♥

Yesterday was a sad day and damn fucking no mood ! :/ hais.
Met emelda at lot one first. Went arcade and played photo hunt with her. Damn long never played with her(: Then she told me about her stuff and i just listened. After that, went smoking area cause she want smoke. Smoke till half way got caught. -.- Then went back to her house downstair and slack. Then met zh at lot for dinner. Ate mos burger. Then vivian joined us. Was talking all the way. Then went back her house slack while zh went arcade. I was damn pissed off by someone. Fuck it man! Wtf, hate it when other ppl said about my love one. Then went back lot one, find zh. After that, father called and asked me go home, so i went home. Talked with him for something. Then after that, i went out again. Thought of meeting boy at cck but in the end last minute he went drink with brother. Hais, so went cck to meet zh. On the way to cck, something bad happen. And ya, i cried in the lrt :/ Reached cck, saw zh and i cried badly. He was there to console me. Keep telling me don't cry, don't cry. Thanks anyway! Then met wilson and went to void deck to slack, chit chat and drink. I'm damn lousy in drinking :/ I drink less than half can, i was already giddy. Hais. Then zh came joined us. Talked awhile, went back to 302 to relax. Went toilet and vomit. After that, noelle called and two of them followed me back to panjang to meet noelle. Went 103 to eat and slack too. Then sent noelle home. Three of us went to wait for boy, zx and jack to come back. They reached already, boy were totally drunk :/ hais. Then me and zx were sitting at the bustop, chatting problems. After that, zh and jack came too. Chat awhile, sent boy home first then went to 103 again with zh, wilson and zx. Sit there chat. Then went ten mile to play L4D2. And again, i played till vomit. Wtf. Then chat with anngee on fb. Wtf, knew something damn fucking disappointed. Forget it. Then walked to petir with zx while zh and wilson went home. Reached home, head damn pain. Still feeling uncomfortable, feel like vomiting again. :/ then went to sleep. Anyway, thank wilson, zh, noelle, zx and jack.

Slept till 4plus in the afternoon and woke up. Head still pain. Watched tv. Sms with noelle. Maybe meeting her later? I don't know? Right now, don't have any appetite to eat even though i'm hungry. Don't know why :/

胡至杰, i really don't know what to say now. I only know i really love you deeply, damn deeply. I never love a guy so deep before, i swear. I'm shocked that you sent that message to me yesterday. Yes, i'm deeply hurt. At first, i really don't know what else can i say because in my mind, i really don't want end this relationship. Zh were there to advice me. Kept asking me to think properly before i reply you. I thought through and i just replied you 'ok'. Cause i really don't know what can i replied. In the end, you replied me a very long message. Whatever you said in the message, is true. Maybe i really never give you freedom? Maybe i'm too used to having you by me side? And yes. It's my fault not to accompany you to see doctor when you having sore eyes. I know i should had accompany you. I appreciate you for accompany me to see doctor when i having sore eyes. Sorry and thanks. That time i asked for break up was because i felt that you have neglected me. Maybe to you, you won't feel it. And i never told wx about us was because he will know without i telling him. And now, he already know that i had bf. This few days, my mood wasn't good. You did asked me what happened and i dint told you was because i want to tell you face to face. But in the end, we dint meet. Hais. I know you're a guy who don't like to be controlled. You know why i don't like you to play mahjong or don't like you to go club all that, because i'm scared! I know i should trust you but i really don't know why i still don't like you to go. Hais, i'm scared of losing you, my dear :/ I hope you understand how i feel. And i won't be controlling you anymore. You want freedom, i give you. I really cherish this relationship alot. Seriously. Yesterday i saw you totally drunk, i really wanted to help you. But i don't know why i dint walked to you and helped. Saw you being drunk till like that and yet i can't helped out, i felt damn disappointed in myself. I'm not a good girlf. I really don't bear to lose you. I wrote in my fb that i won't give up this relationship? I really hope you won't give up too. When the first day i known you, you have been treating me good. Thanks. Thanks for treating me good all this while. I appreciate it. Sorry for giving you my attitude all this while. I wrote all this in my blog, just want to let you know i love you and how i feel. I really hope we can last long. I promise i'll wait for you after your ns. I know 2years is very long, but i'll wait. I promise. I hope you won't give up on me and this relationship too. 胡至杰, 我真的爱你! Hais :/